No, I Didn't Cry...Until Today

Hop receiving his diploma

Last night Hop graduated from high school.  No, I didn't cry.  I was very proud of myself.  I was so excited for him.  I remembered when it was my turn to walk across the stage to receive my diploma, and how excited I was.  I focused on his excitement.  I thought about how hard he has worked to get to this point.  How could I cry?

Hop with GiGi & Pop

Then there was today.  Yep today.  Hop is leaving Saturday to go to DC for a summer internship.  I wrote about it; I know you're shocked.  I was fine as long as I stayed focused on him graduating, but when I thought about my little chick flying the nest, I started crying.

Hop & David

We are up in his room.  I'm helping him go through some last minute packing and asked him if he packed his favorite hat.  (Tahara, it's the distressed Rebels hat.  :)  I think of you every time he wears it.)  I couldn't finish the sentence, and I couldn't hold it in.  The tears came.  He's excited, I'm heartbroken.  Not the bad heartbroken, just the one that has realized that my child doesn't need me like he did.

He'll be making his own way.  Going to the grocery store, doing his laundry, cleaning his dorm room (I hope), succeeding, and failing; all on his own.  He won't need his mom like he did.  Our home will be a place he visits.  His home will be where ever he hangs his hat.  I know the feeling.  I had it the day I left my parent's home.  I didn't look back.  I never realized that my excitement may have been my parent's bittersweet goodbye.  I wouldn't have understood the tears.  But, now there is today.

All the little chicks

So, I cry because my baby is grown up.  I cry at how quickly 18 years passes.  I cry because I have to release him.  I cry because I feel like part of my heart is gone from this house.  I cry because I miss him terribly...already.  Today starts a new chapter in our family.  One of our members will not be coming home every night; he will not eat at our island; his buddies will not be walk in and make themselves at home.  I cry for my loss.

The graduating class of 2013

Oh how I will miss him.  How I will miss his friends.  So Hop, come home when you can so I can lay my eyeballs on your face.  I love you more than you will ever know.  To the rest of the class of 2013, know our door is always open, and I would love to see your faces too!  

Celebrating Life & little chicks spreading their wings to soar!
~ashley

Hop with his first best friend, Will.

What Are We Doing???

I read this article yesterday & had to share the link. It's about us raising a generation of wimps.  As a psych major, this kind of stuff interests me to no end.  Especially because I realized all this in the early '90's when we were telling parents to never say no or don't to their kids; don't spank or raise your voice; give your kids what they want; and your kids are all winners.  I didn't really buy into the hype back then.

I'm the mean mom & I have decided to wear the badge proudly.  In our house, if you do something boneheaded, you will get laughed at.  Not with, but at.  Then we will make sure you're ok.  Hopefully you'll start laughing too & forget that you hurt yourself and/or made an idiot out of yourself. 

My kids fight like siblings are prone to do.  We don't stop it & if one hits another, which doesn't really happen anymore, we tell the one hit that they can hit back (I know, the horrors) but they better run fast, because the hitter may hit again.  If it's a gross offence, we'll let them get a free body slap.  Now that they're older it's usually verbal sparring.  They will come to us & we hold up our hands & ask them if it's one of the 4 B's.  You don't know what the 4 B's are?  Well, let me drop some knowledge on you.  

Our policy is don't come and bother me unless it's one of the four B's.  They are in no particular order.

1. Broken
2. Burning
3. Bleeding
4. Barfing

If it's not one of the afore mentioned things, work it out amongst yo'self! 

Some other things we believe in...

• Go outside & play.  get dirty!
• Don't come to me to do your homework.  I've graduated from college, I don't do homework.  I'll help, but you try to figure it out yo'self.
• Clean up after yourself.  (or yo'self)  You made the mess you clean it up.
• I better not see your cell phone at the table/island while we're eating.  Look at me & talk to me.
• Don't sassmouth your momma. (or any adult for that matter)  I will take the Bill Cosby approach...I brought you into this world & I can take you out.  Then I'll make another one that looks just like you.
• If you have a problem with a teacher, go to the teacher 1st.  Don't rely on us to do it for you.  If you are bullied, that is a different matter & we will take care of it.  Otherwise, use the brain the Good Lord gave you.

Wimps in my house, let me think on it a minute, um no.  My job is to help them to become functioning men and women of society.  Parenting is hard work, and it requires a lot of love and a little discipline.  Parenting is not for wiennies. 

Celebrating Life & raising kids!
~ashley

It's Just Life

21 years.  That's how long it's been.  21 years since my sweet roommates came to get me out of class to let me know about my dad.  Kim had to drive me home because my leg was in a full leg cast.  You know what I've decided?  21 years is a long time. 

So much has happened in that time...so much life has happened.  Before you tell me that my parents have been watching everything from heaven, please know I know that.  Trust me, it's not the same.  I'm not trying to be mean, but there are days I just wish my parents could physically see and talk to my fam.  It's just life.

You know I didn't even think about my dad when I woke up this morning.  I was focused on life with four kids in May.  May is crazy.  I finally realized that today is his angelversary when I was driving carpool & was trying to remember if Hop had an AP exam today.  I remembered E needs tights for her recital this weekend & the big boys have their team party next Friday night & I have a TON of things to get done for it.  I think Sally Field put it best in Steel Magnolias when she said that life goes on.  Yes 'mam it surly does, whether you want it to or not.

It's just life.  It's funny how for some people it's a wonderfully happy day & for others it may be heartbreaking.  21 years ago I had friends celebrating birthdays, parent's birthdays, and anniversaries.  I wanted to crawl in under a rock.  But today, I'm thankful.  I have been living life.  I praise God that life goes on.  He has been faithful when I have not, and I see His handprint all over my life.

I thank Him for faithful friends, both the old and new friends.  Friends who stick by you and want to hold your hand through trials & celebrate with you through good times.  I thank Him for a faithful loving husband.  A husband who never complains about when the worse part in 'for better or worse' comes around.  I thank Him for crazy, messy, loud kids.  Do I wish my home was spotless?  Yes, yes I do.  But that will never happen, and you know what?  I'm ok with it, most of the time.  When it's messy, I know my home is full of life. 

And you know what, it is just life, and I love it!  Happy Angelversary Daddy!

To Malia, Kim & Monte:  love you guys!  Thanks for being great roomies & holding my hand all those years ago.  To Lisa, Amy, Stuckey & Jenny thanks for being the best college neighbors ever & being willing to stay up late to chat on that first summer after daddy died.  Love you guys! 

Celebrating Life!
~ashley 

The picture below is of a bunch of us the summer we were about to be freshmen in high school.  Love these girls!


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Everyone Loves a Train Wreck

After writing a few days ago about my "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day", I noticed that people love to see other people's messes.  It's true; everyone loves a train wreck.  Just humor me a minute... 

When you're standing in line at the grocery store about to load all your groceries on the conveyor belt, what's usually staring you in the face?  Those trashy tabloids right?   Do you ever read the front covers?  I do.  I hate it, but I do.  Almost everyone mentioned in those things, that they try to push as investigative journalism, their lives are a train wreck. 

You're driving, there's a car accident.  Do you focus on the road in front of you, not slowing down to see it?  You know you don't.  It's why there is always a really bad bottle neck & slow-up at car accidents.  Ever notice that right after the wreck it's clear sailing.  Train wreck.

The Maury Povich show & all the others like it.  (Judge Judy falls in that same category.)  Child #2 loves the MoPo show, and I mean loves it.  Why?  In his own words..."Mama, it lets me see what happens when you make bad choices.  It makes me feel good about myself".  Oh Lord please help me.  He's right to some degree...it's a train wreck.

You watch the news, any news, do you see all happy stories?  Heck no, you see tragedy, pain, and every once in a while a "human interest" story.  The human interest stories keep us from wanting to poke our eyeballs out from seeing so much bad stuff.  Two nights ago, there was a very heavy rain in part of my state.  About four inches in one hour.  The news interviewed 8 people who all said the EXACT.same.thing.  Hey guess what, we realize that four inches in one hour is a lot of rain.  We realize that every parking lot, sports field, and businesses were flooded.  No need to interview a ton of people, you can just show me the pictures.  Got it, thanks.  Train wreck.

Why do we click on pictures that have the warning:  "these pictures are graphic in nature, not suited for small children".  I clicked on a picture with this warning from the Boston marathon bombings.  It was a picture of the man they were rushing down the street in a wheelchair who had both of his legs amputated from the bombs. Train wreck.

Why today is everyone glued to their tv sets as the police chase the 2nd bomber responsible for Boston?  Train wreck.

What is it about watching the train wreck that draws us in like a moth to a flame?  Is it ingrained in our human nature?  Is it because watching them makes us thankful to be typical?  Do we feel that relief that it is them instead of us?  I think it's all those things.  But for now, the tv is off.  I'm trying to forget that Kim Kardashian's pregnancy weight is up to 205 pounds.  I'm just going to enjoy the simplicity of my life & be glad that I chose not to move to Australia.

Celebrating Life!
~ashley   

It's just been one of those days

You know the day I'm talking about...the ones that start off bad & just get worse as the day goes on.  Yeah, that has been my day.

I should have known it would be bad when I woke up at 3 am.  No real reason.  My eyes just popped open and I was awake.  I tried to tell myself that I really needed the sleep & that I was going to regret it come 3 pm, but sleep was a no go.

I did get some exercise in, so that was a plus.  But...

Have you ever noticed that there's always a but?

Around 6:30 or so I basically lost my mind & logged onto a phishing website through an email on my phone, and entered my credit card numbers.  If I had tried to enter the website from my desktop, like I should have, I would have found out that it was bogus.  Note to self, don't be such a gullible dufus.  I spent HOURS on the phone with pay pal, my credit card company (which I truly love by the way.  Yes, Capital One, it's what's in my wallet.), and the bank.  Yeah, it was a blast.  I basically had enough time to take a shower before I drove carpool today.

Driving carpool, I'm focused on my children a little more than driving, and didn't notice the traffic policeman telling me to stop.  You know it was the:  "How was your day?  What happened in class?  Oh really.  Do you have any homework?"  those kind of things.  I was not going fast, but I just rolled right by him.  As I was going, he was very angry, yelling at me & hit my car with his fist.  Really, you're going to do that?  Honey vs. vinegar my friend.  If  you would have asked me to roll my window down and told me to pay attention more and look for you in the street I would have felt even worse.  Instead I really just wanted to get out of my car and...oh yeah, I forgot you were here reading this. 

Onward & downward...

Taking E to her first destination for the day & as I'm sitting at a red light I hear tires squeal & 2 pretty loud booms.  I look in my rear view mirror & see the car behind me swerving to the side trying to avoid my car.  Thank goodness I did like Coach Dunn taught me in driver's ed, oh so many years ago, and left myself an out.  I gunned my car & pulled into the turn lane before I could get rear-ended by the person behind me.  Think Tommy Boy "whoa, that was close". 

Ok, so I avoided an accident, but...there's that pesky but again...I noticed as I am driving children around to get them where they need to go that my gas indicator was below the little red line with the E by it, and I don't think that E stands for Elizabeth.  Great, because by the time I noticed it I was stuck going downhill, Just in case you didn't know, in a Suburban, going downhill buries the needle below the line.  Please don't let me stall, please don't let me stall, please don't let me stall.  No stalling, but I had to turn off the air and put the car in neutral to roll down the hill.  Yeah, it was great.  At least it wasn't raining.  See, silver lining.

I'm home now, no worse for the wear.  So, I'm going to bed in a couple of hours & I'm going to forget about today.  I'm going to pretend it didn't happen.  Tomorrow will be like a do-over, except it will be tomorrow and not today, which really makes it completely different.  Ok, I just confused myself.  Don't judge me, I've been up for almost 16 hours already.

It's just been one of those days.

Still celebrating life,
~ashley

It Was a God Moment

You know when you hear a worship song & you just want to start dancing?  Kinda like David did when the Israelites were bringing back the ark into Jerusalem.  It's in 2 Samuel 6 and in 1 Chronicles.  It just pure joy of the Lord coming over you.  If you've never felt it, worship Him with all that you are & it will, I promise.  It just bubbles up inside you & you can't help yourself.  It's a physical manifestation of the spiritual.

I had one of those moments yesterday in  my car of all places.  It's a little hard to dance while you're driving, but I was dancing in my heart & worshiping with everything I was.  It was really cool. 

While I was listening to the words I saw the many different ways God has fulfilled the words of this song.  He is always faithful and you just have to look to the Word becoming flesh to realize He is the great I Am.  We serve an amazing Lord...Wow!!! 

The song is by one of the greatest contemporary worship songwriters, Chris Tomlin.  Whom Shall I Fear.  Do you know it?  Click the link so you can sing it the one who deserves all worship, honor and glory forever!  What a great way to begin the Monday of Holy Week.  I would love to know the what God shows you when you hear this song.  I keep seeing Moses and the Israelites as they come to the Red Sea with no where to go.  They have the pillar of smoke/fire protecting them from Pharos army & God opening the Red Sea in front of them.  Oh, I just love it!  We do not serve a wimpy dead god!  We serve the God of angel armies whose love can not be measured. 

Thank you Jesus for everything you have done & continue to do everyday!

Celebrating the One who gives me life & hope,
~ashley

Here are the lyrics to Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin:

"Whom Shall I Fear (God Of Angel Armies)"

You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The God of angel armies
is always by my side

Celebrate the Girl!

My sweet Elizabeth...surrounded by brothers.  Brothers who don't like her to be too girly.  I've been trying to tell them there's a difference in being girly and high maintenance.  I don't know if they believe me.

I mean, cut her some slack...she's not whiny or demanding.  She shot a doe & a nine point buck this season.  She's pretty easy going when it's all said and done.  I don't know what else I can do for them to show how, for a girl, she's about as calm as they come.

Well, that is except on her birthday.  March 22nd.  It was my dad's birthday too.  It's a great day for a birthday.  My daddy would have loved Miss Priss.  She's kind, smart, a gifted writer, not intimidated easily, and when she gets nervous she giggles.  Her GiGi & Pop love her to pieces, so I know mine would have too.




Since it was her big 13th birthday we had a girls' day.  I had a blast!  We went shopping for a bit to get ideas for spring.  We had her makeup done and bought said makeup.  The makeup artist did one side of her face and then made Elizabeth do the other side.  She did a great job.  It's not like girls are born knowing how to apply makeup, it takes practice.  Considering hers is not too dramatic it has been easier for her to pick it up.






After we had her makeup done we went for a manicure/pedicure.  Thanks Cotton & Leah!  Her fingers and toes look like Easter eggs.  I love the two colors she chose.  I chose the same for my toes.  :)   Her nails will match her Easter dress.  I can't wait to see her in it.  I love having a girl.  It's like playing dress-up with a doll all the time.  A dream come true.

Happy birthday Pitty!  I love you so much!!!

Celebrating another year in the life of my girl,
~ashley